Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
