don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
