What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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