Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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