yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
