A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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