We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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