non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
