My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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