People in love make me want to vomit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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