somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
