**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
