I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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