you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
