The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
