Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
too bad you live with your parents still
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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