So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
