That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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