TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
