Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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