so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
