We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
