I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
