failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
