I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
