Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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