I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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