I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You have to summon your inner elephant
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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