do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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