A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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