So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
