After last night, I could never be a politician.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
