Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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