please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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