On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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