What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
