Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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