driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
