she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
