I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I party with great urgency now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
