wanna go halves on a baby?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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