At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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