After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
