I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
