Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
pray to the hookup gods
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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