benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
