I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
