Please, let me fuck your mom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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