every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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