Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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