is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
