You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
