john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
