Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm too high and old for this...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
