dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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