I saw his package. It spoke to me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
