my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
