Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
