i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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