"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
