you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
