proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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