I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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