i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
