i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is classic penis vs brain.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
