I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
