he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
