life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
