If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
