Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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