My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
