Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
