dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
