I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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