I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
