So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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