There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
