all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
