pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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